Morts Mortuary

07/02/2020

Wow! Business is booming!

12/20/2017

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, after a long break, we've finally had some progress on our repairs! and can finally begin to accept business again! because it tis' the season' we are offering a discount on large red clothed intruders! well cremate them cheaper then anywhere else, and if you find a place with better deals then us, we will match them! and remember, this intruder has been planning on breaking into your home ALL year, so don't forget to turn those safeties "off" happy holidays!

09/18/2017

We would like to start out by saying that we are currently closed due to a slight leak.

Morts Mortuary is currently closed due to the fact that our intern, Whom shall not be named (Carl), decided to open the wrong valve. We have also heard rumor that the "creepy twins" are headed over to wade through the mess. We are still accepting new customers, but we have a bit of a delay until we can get the mess cleaned up before Dracula decides to come pay us a visit.

Thank you for understanding!

Horrifying.

08/07/2017

We would like to remind people that our saying is "YOU stab WE slab." Not "WE stab WE slab." I know it's easy to confuse, but please do your best.

07/27/2017

Hello everyone, its with a heavy hart, and with no great amount of joy, that we are no longer allowing use of the Taxidermy wing of our company, this is do to the "Howler Monkey incident" we are glad for your understanding and remind you. WE DO NOT/CAN NOT TAXIDERMY LIVING BEINGS! GOOD DAY! (and remember YOU stab them, we slab them at a flat rate!)

07/27/2017

Yes, rumor is true. There is a Squirtle at the Mortuary!

06/21/2017

Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay in keeping this Facebook thing-a-magiggy updated. We had a slight infestation of Howler Monkeys, so with that said we are happy to offer a new item on our menu!

07/13/2016

Please feel free to share this page! Mostly it's just for grins and giggles. Thank you!

07/06/2016

Offering a new deal! Missing a hand or a finger?! Swing on by! We have PLENTY in stock, in great condition too!!

06/22/2016

That moment when you go to embalm someone and they aren't dead yet... Sorry Hun...