09/25/2026
🐔🚨 558 VOTES. DEMOCRACY HAS SPOKEN. NO RECOUNTS. NO HANGING CHADS. WE ARE NOT DOING A BUSH V. GORE SITUATION OVER A CHICKEN NAME. 🚨🐔
Your chicken's FOREVER AND EVER, till-death-do-us-part name is:
👑 WINGSTON DOUGHBURGER III 👑
We haven't seen this much fanfare for a #2 since my buddy disappeared into a Taco Bell bathroom at 2 am and came out a completely different man. A hero. We salute his service.
Naming genius: Savannah Shaw Dasher 📣🎉 — who took one look at this chicken and just knew it had "III" energy. Royalty. Legacy. A bird with a lineage now.
HERE'S THE CATCH, MS. DASHER: you've gotta come claim your first week's pizza IN PERSON this weekend — unless you truly cannot, in which case fine, we'll bend the rules; we're not monsters. But we NEED pictures. We MUST have documentation of your very, very excited face as you receive this prize. And let's be honest, we all know you haven't won anything of this magnitude since that one Grammy that year — and that one doesn't even really count. 🏆😂
And yes, we may or may not have already creeped your Facebook, stolen a picture, and ripped your husband clean out of it to make room for Wingston. We won't lie, though; your husband's probably gonna be a little jealous once he sees this. I mean, look at that chicken physique. That is a strong, extremely strong to very strong bird. Not much we can do about that one. 😂
52 weeks. 52 pizzas. A full year of dinner, solved, math courtesy of us, and we will not be stopping to accept your applause.
Wingston Doughburger III, wear the crown well, my dear bird. 🐓🍕
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