08/20/2026
I think I may have unearthed a conspiracy theory.
And not one of those “your uncle had too much to drink at Thanksgiving and now he’s explaining who really controls the weather” conspiracy theories.
No. This is much closer to home. This is a local conspiracy theory.
We all know I host Josh’s Jeopardy & Seasoning Show at Twin Trees Too every third Thursday of the month. I’ve been doing it since the beginning of the year.
That’s eight months of going to Twin Trees Too. And somewhere along the way, I realized something wasn’t adding up. Someone was missing.
Twin Trees Too is owned by a husband-and-wife team, Ron and Jennifer.
I know Jennifer exists. I have spoken to Jennifer. I have conducted business with Jennifer. If called before a grand jury, I am prepared to testify to the physical existence of Jennifer.
She may be genuinely the kindest, nicest, most gentle human being I have ever seen working in a restaurant. Which, frankly, only makes me more suspicious.
She never raises her voice. She never seems stressed. She just floats around Twin Trees Too speaking in this soft, soothing tone that is borderline hypnotic.
You don’t even realize it’s happening. Her voice puts you into some kind of trance where suddenly whatever Jennifer wants seems completely reasonable.
Jennifer could walk up to me and softly say, “Josh, why don’t you go ahead and put your fingerprints on this shovel for me?”
And I’d be like, “Of course, Jennifer. Do you need me to bring it out to the trunk when I’m done?”
But Ron? I have never met Ron. Not once. Every month I walk into that building and Jennifer is there. And every month, Ron is “running the other store” …supposedly.
But eight months?! How big is this other store? Does it not have doors? Is Ron trapped in there?
So naturally, I started asking questions. Last month, I went to Twin Trees Too with a mission.
I was going to get some answers.
Quietly and discreetly, I began secretly interrogating the staff.
Nothing aggressive. Just casually working Ron’s whereabouts into conversation while pretending I wasn’t actively building a case against their employer.
And everyone gave me the same answer: “He’s running the other store.”
Interesting. Almost like they’d been briefed. Everyone was toeing the company line. Everyone…except one employee.
For her protection, I will not be revealing her identity. From this point forward, she will be known only by her highly professional investigative-journalism codename: Deep Throat.
I casually asked Deep Throat when she had last seen Ron. She stopped and thought about it. And then she said the words that blew this investigation wide open:
“Gosh, it’s been forever. I can’t remember the last time I saw him.”
I rest my case. I mean, I don't have a case, but I rest it.
Is Ron actually “running the other store?” Is Ron even still with us?
Has anyone actually seen him recently? Did Jennifer send Ron to “the other store”… and by “the other store,” I mean the Great Pizza Shop in the Sky?
Listen, it’s an Italian restaurant. I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying… I watched all six seasons of The Sopranos.
I want to be extremely clear here that I am merely asking questions and making absolutely no accusations whatsoever.
If I’ve learned anything from social media, it’s this: if you say “I’m just asking questions,” I’m pretty sure legally you can say whatever the hell you want after that.
So, with that very legal protection firmly in place…has anyone checked Jennifer’s basement? What about her garden? Again…just a question.
Tonight, Josh’s Jeopardy & Seasoning Show starts at 6pm at Twin Trees Too. I’ll be there at 5:30 selling spices, registering teams, and casually checking the walk-in freezer for anything wrapped in a rug.
Oh, and between interrogations, I’ll also be selling all seven of our spice blends, including the newest, Spice Sl*t. ,An investigation doesn’t fund itself.
IMPORTANT: If you work at Twin Trees Too, nobody say a god damned word to Jennifer. As far as she knows, I still think Ron is “running the other store.”
Act normal. I’ve come too far to have this investigation compromised now.
And whatever you do, don’t mention Deep Throat.
