05/28/2026
ATTENTION PARENTS:
Your children have formed an alliance.
They have voted unanimously to consume pizza.
Resistance is futile.
For $29.95 you can complete the mission, restore household peace, and prevent at least one dramatic “there’s nothing to eat” cutscene.
Reward includes:
Pizza
Breadsticks
Salad
Temporary happiness
Side effects may include fighting over the last breadstick and someone claiming they only wanted one slice before eating four
Good luck, player one