07/08/2026
Chaos unfolds at Shelter Island every Friday from 2-6PM in what locals describe as “kitchen witchcraft,” and “total pastry anarchy.” We traveled to the scene and investigated the developing incident.
“My friend gave me a mango cake from this stall,” says one local resident who wishes to remain anonymous. “It was so moist and the flavor was so bright and fresh. I don’t know what the baker puts into the batter, but I had to hunt her down and buy six more. The addiction is real.” Another anonymous couple visiting from Arizona says, “We think she’s a witch, but everything she makes is so good that we have to grab as many treats as possible to take back to Phoenix. We can keep our stash going for around a week if we’re strategic.” Are these magical treats cursed to enchant market-goers to buy more?
We reached out to the baker, known only as “Cassie,” who insists that she only uses fresh, organic fruits in cult-favorites such as her “Pink Pony Cake,” and handmade marshmallow and graham cracker in her signature S’Moreo cookies. “Using ingredients made by hand is what sets me apart,” she said. “My customers can taste the difference. That’s why they keep coming back.” When asked about the allegations of witchcraft and fueling addiction to delicious desserts, she did not outright deny the claims. “Yes, every ingredient is intentional and placed with purpose. I taught myself baking science to develop my own recipes, but there is some folk tradition and lots of love baked into every treat as well.”
We asked if we could expect her to be there again in the future and asked her to comment on the criticism that her desserts have ruined people to other baked goods. “Of course. I’ll be down at Shelter Island every Friday. My clientele has expectations and it’s my responsibility to deliver. Why should I be sorry for culinary perfection?”
