The Treasury of Pine River

The Treasury of Pine River Open 11 am till 2pm, or sold out. We recommend you get here as early as possible.

Mondays is Meatball Sandwich on fresh baked sour dough hoagie $10

Tuesday is the Double/Double $10

Wednesday is Wueben Day $12

Thursday is Shaved Roast Beef $11-$15

Jason: Why is Sir Beefington sitting by the door in his bathrobe?Ryan: Hasn’t slept. Wueben didn’t get served yesterday....
10/01/2026

Jason: Why is Sir Beefington sitting by the door in his bathrobe?

Ryan: Hasn’t slept. Wueben didn’t get served yesterday. The Double Double missed last week. He thinks he’s next.

Sir Beefington: I’ve seen how this works. First it’s “Ryan’s going to Peru.” Then there’s a coup. Then sandwiches start disappearing.

Jason: We’re open today. You’re being served.

Sir Beefington: That’s exactly what you’d say to keep the beef calm.

Ryan: Your hoagies are baked. The au jus is hot. We’re shaving the roast beef.

Sir Beefington: Good God. They’ve already started.

Jason: You’re a French dip. This is your job.

Sir Beefington: I’d like that in writing.

Ryan: It’s on the menu.

Sir Beefington: Wueben was on the menu. Has anyone checked on his family?

Jason: Go get dressed.

Sir Beefington: Provolone?

Ryan: If it helps you feel safe.

Sir Beefington: Two slices. These are uncertain times.

Sir Beefington is being served TODAY: house-roasted beef, shaved to order and piled onto our butter-toasted sourdough hoagie, with hot au jus for dipping. Provolone optional. Emotional support apparently required.

The Treasury • 106 2nd Street North, Pine River
Lunch 11–2 • 218-851-7806
Call ahead and skip the line. Add a cookie for $1.

09/30/2026

A gentle reminder: The Treasury is closed today, so the world-famous Wueben is taking this week off. Thanks for understanding! We’ll see you tomorrow when Sir Beefington returns with the French Dip. ❤️

A STATEMENT REGARDING WUEBEN WEDNESDAYDue to unforeseen circumstances, the Treasury will be unable to open this Wednesda...
09/28/2026

A STATEMENT REGARDING WUEBEN WEDNESDAY

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the Treasury will be unable to open this Wednesday to serve our world-famous Wueben.

We understand the gravity of this announcement. In all our time together, we have never missed a Wueben Wednesday. We know many of you have built your week around that first bite of house-roasted beef, Swiss, sauerkraut, and Thousand Island on marble rye. Some of you may already be emotionally dressed for lunch.

Please accept our deepest apologies, our most extravagant sympathy, and a level of empathy so rich you could soak it up with a buttered sourdough bun. We ask that you give Wueben space to process this unprecedented event. He has taken it harder than anyone.

We’ll see you Thursday. Sir Beefington has offered to say a few words.

Jason: It almost feels like things are getting back to normal around here.Ryan: Almost?Jason: Meatbane apologized, the D...
09/28/2026

Jason: It almost feels like things are getting back to normal around here.

Ryan: Almost?

Jason: Meatbane apologized, the Double Double stopped issuing orders, and I haven’t seen a single coup flyer since Thursday.

Ryan: That’s progress.

Meatbane: (entering with a tray of meatball subs) Absolutely. The mutiny is behind us. Terrible idea. Poorly organized. I’m thrilled to move forward under Ryan’s leadership.

Jason: Why did you say “Ryan’s leadership” like you were reading it off a card?

Meatbane: Because I am. He made me practice.

Ryan: Keep going.

Meatbane: I respect the chain of command, I regret the attempted takeover, and I’m very excited to return to my normal duties.

Jason: Which are?

Meatbane: Selling meatball subs and keeping my opinions about succession to myself.

Ryan: See? Back to normal.

Jason: There’s a crown sticking out of his apron.

Meatbane: It’s a hairnet, Jason. Let’s move on.

It starts with an in-house baked sourdough hoagie, buttered and toasted until the edges turn golden. Then comes a layer of melted mozzarella, followed by big, tender meatballs piled in until the bun can barely contain itself. More mozzarella goes over the top. We wrap it up, hand it to you, and leave the two of you alone.

The Treasury of Pine River
106 2nd Street North, Pine River, MN
218-851-7806 — Call ahead and skip the line.

Add a cookie for $1. You’ve been through enough.

Jason: You know, it was surprisingly hard to put down that coup.Ryan: They’re sandwiches, Jason.Jason: Meat Bane had a c...
09/24/2026

Jason: You know, it was surprisingly hard to put down that coup.

Ryan: They’re sandwiches, Jason.

Jason: Meat Bane had a chain of command. The Double Double had campaign signs. Wueben had already changed the Wi-Fi password.

Ryan: And Sir Beefington?

Jason: Said he was “remaining neutral,” then asked if he could keep his title.

Ryan: Well, we’re back in charge. How bad’s the damage?

Jason: It’ll take a while to clean up and get the boys back on track. Who knew they could have that much fun without us?

Ryan: Do we still have the cinnamon roll recipe?

Jason: I slept with it under my pillow.

Ryan: Good. Cinnamon rolls are back tomorrow at 8 a.m. And the featured caramel roll is Bananas Foster.

Jason: The crème de la crème of crème and de la stuff.

Ryan: Your command of the English language always intrigues me.

Fresh, organic cinnamon rolls made with farm-fresh eggs. $7 each, starting at 8 a.m. until sold out.

Jason: It looks like a war zone in here.Ryan: I had to put down the coup you almost allowed to happen.Jason: Where’s the...
09/22/2026

Jason: It looks like a war zone in here.

Ryan: I had to put down the coup you almost allowed to happen.

Jason: Where’s the Double Double?

Ryan: On a break. His cousin, the Turbo, is taking center stage until he gets his act together.

Jason: Cousins? I thought they were twins. The only difference is Turbo’s turkey and the Double Double’s ham.

Ryan: Don’t say that too loud. The Double Double already thinks he’s been replaced.

Jason: And Meat Bane?

Ryan: I let him stay. Two conditions: he gets rid of the dirty forever (no one needs that negativity in their life), and he remembers who signs off on Meat Bane Monday.

Jason: He agreed to that?

Ryan: He nodded while slowly backing away from the griddle.

Jason: What about Wueben Day?

Ryan: Wueben saw everything. He’s been guarding his spot on Wednesday’s menu like it’s the last lifeboat.

Jason: And Sir Beefington?

Ryan: Still in the storage closet. Says he bravely supported you the entire time and will emerge Thursday, when there’s an audience.

Jason: So everything’s back to normal?

Ryan: Jason, the French Dip is hiding behind a mop.

⸻

NOW SHOWING: THE TURBO
This week only? Depends how quickly the Double Double gets his act together.

Her cousin may be famous, but Turbo knows how to make an entrance. A grilled sourdough bun, double-smoked bacon, house-made aioli, two slices of yellow American cheese, and thinly sliced smoked turkey breast piled high enough to make the Double Double jealous.

Smoky. Buttery. A little messy. She’s only here to cover his shift, but she’s already stealing his spotlight.

See you at 11am
106 2nd street N, Pine River, Mn
218-851-7806. Call ahead to skip the line!

JASON: Sir Beefington, I’ll be honest. Things have gotten a little out of hand while Ryan’s been gone.SIR BEEFINGTON: Yo...
09/17/2026

JASON: Sir Beefington, I’ll be honest. Things have gotten a little out of hand while Ryan’s been gone.

SIR BEEFINGTON: You’ve carried yourself admirably, Jason.

JASON: Meat Bane is openly threatening to take over.

SIR BEEFINGTON: Ryan will deal with him Monday morning.

JASON: The Double Double is staging a coup.

SIR BEEFINGTON: Ryan will remind him that popularity and leadership are not the same thing.

JASON: And Wueben has gotten completely out of control.

SIR BEEFINGTON: Wueben has always required a firm hand. Ryan will return him to Wednesday where he belongs.

JASON: So you really think everything will go back to normal when Ryan gets home?

SIR BEEFINGTON: Without question. Ryan is the backbone of the Treasury. His word is law. Meat Bane respects him. The Double Double fears him. And Wueben… well, Wueben can at least be contained by him.

JASON: Thank you. I knew I could count on you.

SIR BEEFINGTON: Of course. I am Sir Beefington. Dignity. Integrity. Fresh-roasted beef shaved to order. There is a reason many believe I’m responsible for the Treasury being named Minnesota’s Best Lunch Spot.

JASON: Finally. Someone around here who isn’t trying to take over.

SIR BEEFINGTON: Rest easy, Jason. You won’t have to worry about any of them taking over.

JASON: See? That’s exactly what I needed to hear.

SIR BEEFINGTON: I said any of THEM, Jason.

Today, 11-2
106 2nd Street N, Pine River
218-851-7806, call ahead to skip the line.

JASON: Wueben, we need to talk.WUEBEN: Of course. As equals.JASON: We are not equals.WUEBEN: That’s what every collapsin...
09/16/2026

JASON: Wueben, we need to talk.

WUEBEN: Of course. As equals.

JASON: We are not equals.

WUEBEN: That’s what every collapsing empire says before someone renames the capital.

JASON: What are you doing?

WUEBEN: Nothing. I gathered supporters, mapped Treasury’s weaknesses, and arrived while its ruler was distracted in Peru.

JASON: You’re describing the Spanish conquest of the Incas.

WUEBEN: I prefer “organizational restructuring.”

JASON: Ryan is coming back Monday.

WUEBEN: Wonderful. I’ll promise him shared leadership and all the cheesecake he can carry.

JASON: Like promising Atahualpa freedom for a room full of gold?

WUEBEN: Exactly—except our gold is dairy-based.

JASON: They took the gold and killed him anyway!

WUEBEN: A flaw in the original customer-retention strategy.

JASON: You can’t conquer Treasury while Ryan is away!

WUEBEN: Why not? I’ve already conquered the break room.

JASON: You said you wanted shared leadership.

WUEBEN: I do.

JASON: Define “shared.”

WUEBEN: Ryan shares his recipes. You share the passwords. I assume command.

JASON: That’s not shared leadership!

WUEBEN: The Spanish called it an alliance until they owned everything.

JASON: You want the entire Treasury.

WUEBEN: I prefer “one Treasury, united under Wueben.”

JASON: THIS IS A COUP!

WUEBEN: No, Jason. A coup is loud. This is a peaceful transfer of power—with sandwiches.

Ryan returns Monday.

Can Jason hold Treasury together until then—or will Wueben turn it into a dessert-based empire before the rightful ruler even finds his password?

JASON: Double Double, why are there political signs all over the kitchen?DOUBLE DOUBLE: I heard Meat Bane was planning t...
09/15/2026

JASON: Double Double, why are there political signs all over the kitchen?

DOUBLE DOUBLE: I heard Meat Bane was planning to usurp your leadership.

JASON: Nobody is taking over the Treasury.

DOUBLE DOUBLE: Exactly why I stepped forward.

JASON: You are a sandwich.

DOUBLE DOUBLE: I’m the people’s sandwich.

JASON: Your signs say, “TWICE THE MEAT. TWICE THE LEADERSHIP.”

DOUBLE DOUBLE: Strong message. People like me better.

JASON: According to who?

DOUBLE DOUBLE: Tuesday sales.

JASON: THAT ISN’T POLLING. THEY’REj BUYING LUNCH!

DOUBLE DOUBLE: The voters have spoken.

JASON: First Meat Bane declares himself interim ruler. Now you’re campaigning. Wueben wants a cabinet position, and Sir Beefington thinks he’s foreign affairs. None of you listen to me!

DOUBLE DOUBLE: Jason… are you worried Ryan isn’t coming back?

JASON: Maybe a little. He’s in Peru drinking w**e, eating things cooked underground, and talking like he may stay. Meanwhile, I’m here trying to hold everything together while the sandwiches stage a coup.

DOUBLE DOUBLE: We know. We’re giving you a hard time because you’re the one keeping this place running. Meat Bane has anger issues, and my experience is mostly ham-based.

JASON: So you’ll end the campaign?

DOUBLE DOUBLE: For now. You’re doing a good job, Jason. We’ll behave until Ryan comes home.

JASON: Thank you. That means a lot.

DOUBLE DOUBLE: But if he doesn’t come back—

JASON: Don’t.

DOUBLE DOUBLE: Double Double 2026.

JASON: TAKE DOWN THE SIGNS.

MEAT BANE: Ryan is gone. He is never coming back. I now control the Treasury.JASON: He’s in Peru, Meat Bane. He has a re...
09/14/2026

MEAT BANE: Ryan is gone. He is never coming back. I now control the Treasury.

JASON: He’s in Peru, Meat Bane. He has a return ticket.

MEAT BANE: A meaningless scrap of paper. The Andes have claimed him.

JASON: The Andes did not claim him. He’s on vacation.

MEAT BANE: I have reviewed the photographs. W**e. Wh***ey. Ci**rs. Questionable decisions at altitude. That man has no intention of returning to Minnesota.

JASON: HE IS COMING BACK. Why will nobody hear me when I say that? Ryan is coming back, nobody is taking over the Treasury, and you are not in charge!

MEAT BANE: Your panic suggests otherwise.

JASON: I am not panicking.

MEAT BANE: Your eye is twitching.

JASON: Because I’m trying to hold this place together for one more week while you’re staging a meatball coup!

MEAT BANE: Then perhaps you are too weak to lead.

JASON: No. You listen to me, Meat Bane. I know you miss Ryan. I know you’re scared he won’t come back. Honestly, we’re all a little nervous about what Peru might send home. But we only have to hold it together for one more week. And if you can hold scratch-made meatballs, rich sauce and melted mozzarella together inside a buttered, toasted sourdough hoagie…then you can help hold us together, too.

MEAT BANE: …Your compassion disgusts me.

JASON: But will you do it?

MEAT BANE: Yes. But when Ryan fails to return, the Treasury becomes a meatball dictatorship.

JASON: One crisis at a time.

Tomorrow is Meatball Monday at the Treasury.

Scratch-made meatballs. Scratch-made sauce. Melted mozzarella. Buttered and toasted sourdough hoagie.

11–2, or until Meat Bane sells out and begins consolidating power.

Address

106 2nd Street
Pine River, MN
56474

Telephone

+12188517806

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when The Treasury of Pine River posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category