03/12/2026
So in my personal memories this came up from 8 years ago. Vienna Beef asked me to throw out the first pitch for a Cubs-White Sox game. Still smarts, although we had a great time. I’ll add a couple of pics in the comments as I am restricted on my business page to one.
“Okay, I've let a day pass to process this calamity on an otherwise terrific day/ This may get long so feel free to check out now. There's 2 don'ts to throwing out the first pitch. Don't bounce it in. Don't hit the backstop. Only a great backhand stop by Clark my catcher prevented the latter of the two, and as you can see in the video i nailed the first. Before I venture in to my analysis of how things unraveled in a mere few heartbeats, let me first say that I've been pplaying baseball or softball for almost 53 years, as my 60th is a month away. I've played lots of third, short, and second, and have most certainly thrown my fair share, and maybe more, balls into the dirt instead of my 1st baseman's mitt. Even cost me the only triple play of my life, one that Nina still blames herself for but it was yours truly whose throw was straight at her shoe tops. I know personally and vividly the self disgust that comes from said throws.
In my dark hours of reflection since my appearance on the mound at Sloan Park, I've come to my own understanding of what went so horribly wrong. I made two bad decisions prior to letting go of that errant throw. And I can understand how that happened thru physics and physiology. Bad decision #1. I told myself not to have a drink before my toss. Then we met up with Nicole, my Vienna rep and her boss Jim, vice president of the whole dang company. Nicole says an hour and a half before the failure, "hey you want a drink?". She was already on her second or third (11:30 am), and she told me she doesn't drink beer. I told myself before we went out there that I wouldn't have a beer until after the first pitch. 2 minutes after meeting up with Nicole I have a Bloody Mary in my hand.Caught a buzz within 5 minutes on a nervous, excited system. Basic physiology says most people will not perform as well with alcohol in their systems, although I know plenty of softball teammates and hockey players who would differ with that vociferously. As for me as a ballplayer and bowler, it doesn't produce better results.
#2 bad decision. Pitching off the mound. This one involves physics. You have your choice of going up on the mound and pitching off the rubber, or standing in front of the mound on flat ground. ( the guy who threw after me stayed on flat ground and threw a prefect strike). As you can see in the video, my throw bounced in the left handed batter's box and pulled the catcher out of his position to back hand the hop. Pitching off a small hill changes your body slightly at the release point of the throw. You release the ball just after your front foot hits the ground. As it's a downhill slope, the leg travels a bit farther and lower, bringing your chest down lower. So when the ball gets released, it's at a lower angle. Also, that same slight delay in hitting the lower ground gives your arm that much more travel time so it crosses over your body more and throws wide at it's altered release point. Kinda like what happens when you throw the ball while falling down. Had I practiced off a mound instead of on level Myrtle Ave. with my neighbor Craig, or a level parking lot with Weasel, maybe I would have understood going into this quagmire. Or I could have listened to Jim from Vienna when he told me to aim high. Now remember i was trying NOT to hit the backstop, so that advice went unheeded.
Look, I'm no scientist or genius. I make hot dogs and hamburgers for a living. But this all makes sense to me. Do me a favor, if you disagree either don't respond or do it gently. I need to believe this. Having said all this, we were shown a fantastic time by the folks at Vienna Beef, and had as wonderful of a day with my wife and my daughter as we could have ever wished for. And the Cubs and Sox tied. Seeing that I root for both Chicago squads that was a great ending to a great day”
