09/10/2026
🌿 LONG POST AHEAD: It's National Su***de Prevention Day today, a day that significantly matters because I wouldn't be here if it weren't for loved ones seeing me in the midst of dark times & actually showing up. A lot of people see su***de prevention as sharing a simple hotline but the reality is: it will always take real & intentional effort to reach out, understand, listen & hold space for a person in the midst of a struggle.
My suicidal ideation sadly started in middle school. My 6th grade diary was the first time I ever wrote words about not feeling I was worthy of living, that the world would be better off without me. For many people, grade school is where these feelings originate. Pressures to perform & conform. Bodies changing, social hierarchies being established. Bullying.
As I got older, I ebbed and flowed - my mom specifically got me plugged into spaces where my leadership skills & community activism were seen & cherished. Often my safe spaces in my teens & 20s were with older adults & volunteering with non-profits. Fun fact: At the time, I was the youngest person in the state to get the North Carolina Governors Award for Volunteerism when I was just 14 years old. Whether intentional or not, this was a form of prevention that my mom probably doesn't even take credit for - but I know what it was and I am thankful for the way she redirected me in those years. The way she made me see my light outside of the day to day bullying at school and helped me see that community can always be created for yourself- you just have to find the right places.
There are a lot of new folks here who may not know how this tea shop came to be. In 2017, after a very hard-earned career in marketing where I climbed every possible ladder, I sunk into another dark place. I was a size 24 working 60-70hrs a week at a very good job with a very good team but I hated...ME. I remember looking in the mirror after a big important meeting in a hotel in Chicago and saying "Who are YOU?"
I spent the holidays that year in NC with my dad. I worked the whole time on a big sales presentation for the ad agency I was a director at and on my last morning with him, he said "Honey, I am worried. You have lost the light in your eyes." I didn't know then but it was my last Christmas I would ever share with my dad. After that visit, he called my mom, something big & brave because they were not close after their divorce but he saw in me what he always saw in himself - the heavy weight of not loving yourself.
I quit my job that March. I took time off. I went to Africa for a photography & PR contract. My dad died that July. One of the last things we spoke about at the hospital was what I thought would make me - "happy." What did I want to do?
I had always loved tea & from a very early age I would tell everyone that I wanted to serve people when I grew up. We talked about the dream of the tea shop. "Why aren't you going after that? You have all the skills and drive to do it. What is stopping you?" At the time, it was just a dream. Just a conversation with my dad lying on his death bed.
When he passed away it pummeled me. He also carried the weight of self-hatred which was why he was able to see it in me. So, in the fall of 2017, after all that came with the complex grief of losing my dad, my mom said - I want you to look around for some commercial space. And I did. We found the space in December and my first tea shop in Little Rock opened in February of 2018. That shop saved my life. It lifted me. I lost 80 lbs and got myself to my current size of 16. Still too fat for some people, but I know the work I did and that's all that matters.
When we decided to move back to the Outer Banks in 2022, I knew it was the next right step. This was where Jordan and I always wanted to be - and this time we weren't going to let the bu****it of corporate careers (his and mine) steal our dreams. He always wanted to have a record store. We had always thought it would be a part of the tea shop but never knew how or when we would get there. The 2020 pandemic and all its insanity made us realize that there would never be a perfect time & it was time to make our move - for both of us. So we made the leap. And here we are - 5 summers and 4 full years under our belts.
We are doing it. We are doing it for ourselves and for each other.
It's not always easy, and no it doesn't cure the hard reality that suicidal ideation never goes away, but this entire shop is our hearts on our sleeves. We took all our wins, all of our losses, and we bet on ourselves. We said yes to life.
So, when you step into our little shop full of our pictures and our stories and our favorite books and albums and teas please know that this is our living and breathing prevention. Our safe harbor that we hope with every part of our beings is a safe harbor for all of you, too. Tea & Records FOREVER. 🍵🌿🎶💞
