05/23/2026
FLORIDA BOATING RULES EXPLAINED LIKE YOU’RE 4 PIÑA COLADAS DEEP 🍹⚓️ FOR WHOEVER NEEDS TO HEAR THIS
LIFE JACKETS:
Everyone on the boat needs one.
Not “my cousin can swim.”
Not “we’re only going a little way.”
An actual life jacket.
Kids 6 and under?
Wear it at all times. Tiny humans are not buoyant accessories.
THROWABLE FLOATATION DEVICE:
If your boat is over 16 feet, you need one throwable cushion/ring thing.
This is for when Uncle Randy falls in trying to “hold the dock with his foot.”
WHISTLE OR HORN:
You need something loud enough to tell other captains:
“HEY BRO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING.”
LIGHTS:
If it’s dark outside and your boat looks invisible, congratulations, you’re now a sea ghost. Turn your navigation lights on.
FIRE EXTINGUISHER:
If your boat contains fuel, engines, wires, or literally anything capable of exploding, bring one.
Boats are basically floating grills with Bluetooth speakers.
BOATER LICENSE:
If you were born after 1988, the state would like proof you know which side of the boat is not the bottom. Carry your boater card and ID.
KILL SWITCH:
Attach the safety lanyard to yourself so when you fly out of the captain’s seat doing something stupid, the boat doesn’t continue to Cuba by itself.
BUI — BOATING UNDER THE INFLUENCE:
“Yes officer but it’s the ocean” is not a legal defense.
0.08 is still 0.08.
RIGHT OF WAY RULES:
If two boats are heading at each other and both captains panic and freeze like frightened squirrels… that’s bad.
Both boats move right.
If you’re passing another boat, YOU are responsible for not turning everyone into a Coast Guard documentary.
If another boat is coming from your right side, congratulations, they win. Slow down and let them go.
SAILBOATS:
If they don’t have engines, leave them alone. They’re already fighting for their lives with ropes and geometry.
NO WAKE ZONES:
“Idle speed” does not mean “slightly slower than reckless.”
If your wake launches a paddleboarder into another zip code, you’re doing it wrong.
DIVERS DOWN FLAGS:
Stay away from the flag.
That means there are humans underwater trying not to become manatee salsa.
MANATEES:
Slow down.
The giant floating potatoes are protected and honestly have better personalities than most boat ramp arguments.
FINAL RULE:
Just because your boat has twin 400s and RGB cupholders doesn’t mean you’re Captain Jack Sparrow. Calm down.
