05/18/2026
Glennie Tavern Cue Crew Completes the “Triple Crown”
Local pool sharks leave opponents questioning life choices, bar tabs, and basic geometry
In what experts are already calling “either an incredible athletic achievement or a statistical accident fueled by beer and stubbornness,” the Glennie Tavern Men’s Pool Team officially captured the elusive Triple Crown this season.
The team dominated the Men’s Pool League regular season, conquered the City Championship, and capped it all off by winning the Men’s Northeastern Pool Tournament — cementing their place in local billiards history and giving Glennie Tavern bragging rights until at least next Tuesday.
Team members Dean Dolliver, Christopher Clouse, Phil Smallwood, Tony Lyons, Jason “Chicken” Aikens, Scott Reid, Aidan Wrobel, Brandon Nichols, Steve Howard, Roger Clouse, and Marc Harger reportedly celebrated the victory with handshakes, laughter, and several stories that got progressively less believable as the evening went on.
Witnesses say the team’s success came from a deadly combination of talent, teamwork, and the ability to stare silently at a difficult bank shot for six full minutes before missing it completely and somehow still winning the match anyway.
But what made the season even more impressive was what the team battled through off the table. If winning three championships wasn’t difficult enough, several team members spent the season battling challenges that would’ve sidelined most people permanently.
Steve Howard literally underwent a heart transplant this year and still showed up to matches looking more reliable than half the roster.
Scott Reid fought through multiple stomach surgeries, proving that apparently even major abdominal procedures are less painful than missing an easy corner pocket.
Tony Lyons battled pneumonia during the season but reportedly recovered the moment somebody said, “Winner breaks.”
Meanwhile, Marc Harger and Christopher Clouse faced perhaps the toughest challenge of all: trying to maintain team chemistry while repeatedly disappearing on vacation.
Despite the obstacles, the team kept rolling.
At the Northeastern Tournament, Brandon Nichols reportedly looked like he was fighting for his life the entire weekend but still kept shooting anyway, leading teammates to question whether he needed Gatorade, medical attention, or just another joint.
Phil Smallwood delivered one of the tournament’s most legendary moments with a ridiculous kick-shot 8-ball that somehow dropped, immediately causing opposing teams to stare into the distance questioning whether pool is even a real sport anymore.
Christopher Clouse added to the chaos with multiple break-and-runs that left opponents sitting in their chairs long enough to consider new hobbies and reevaluate several personal decisions.
Jason “Chicken” Aikens, whose nickname remains unexplained despite decades of investigation, was described by teammates as “absolutely clutch” Youngster Aidan Wrobel brought youthful energy to the squad and was frequently called upon to help the older players with important technological tasks like reading text messages and figuring out why the jukebox stopped working.
Team sponsor, owner, and occasional participant Marc Harger was credited with playing “the least amount of games but somehow still taking partial credit for everything,” a role sources say he performed flawlessly.
“He’s basically the pool league version of a NASCAR sponsor decal,” one teammate joked. “But he signs the checks, so put that in the paper.”
Opposing teams reportedly struggled all season against Glennie Tavern’s intimidating strategy of casual trash talk, mysterious table slapping, and players repeatedly saying, “I’m tellin’ ya, I haven’t shot good all year,” immediately before running the table.
League officials confirmed the championship run was legitimate despite rumors that the team’s lucky streak may have been fueled by tavern pizza, pure spite, and one cue stick held together mostly by electrical tape.
Local historians say the Triple Crown accomplishment will be remembered for years — or at least until next season starts.
As for what comes next, the Glennie Tavern squad says they plan to enjoy the offseason by relaxing, practicing, and reminding absolutely everyone they meet that they are, in fact, Triple Crown Champions.
Repeatedly. Loudly. Probably forever.
