09/16/2026
Because apparently owning three trilobites with fully developed personalities wasn’t enough, I needed to know what Reginald, Walter, and Archibald would look like as humans.
Then, naturally, I had to join them. 😂
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the official Crystal Haus Fossil Department executive portrait:
🗿 Reginald — Chief Disruption Officer
Refusing to acknowledge my authority, accept responsibility, or make eye contact after his latest incident.
📁 Karissa — Owner, CEO & Reluctant Head of HR
Clutching Reginald’s disciplinary record and reconsidering every decision that led me here.
🎩 Walter — Director of Damage Control & Formal Apologies
Silently communicating, “I tried,” while preparing yet another apology on Reginald’s behalf.
📓 Archibald — Junior Associate, Hope & Optimism Division
Excited for his first day and still blissfully unaware that this is absolutely not part of normal employee orientation.
Somehow, this captured our entire workplace dynamic with alarming accuracy.
I run this fossil asylum.