21/08/2026
THE BITTER TRUTH WE WOMEN NEED TO EMBRACE
Let’s have an uncomfortable conversation.
We spend a lot of time asking:
“Who raised these badly behaved men?”
We criticize men for misogyny, irresponsibility, entitlement, emotional immaturity, lack of respect, and poor treatment of women.
But sometimes, we forget to ask another important question:
Who was there raising many of these boys?
Their mothers.
Now, before anyone misunderstands me, this is not about blaming every mother for the behaviour of every man. Fathers, society, culture, peers, schools, and the individual himself all play important roles in shaping character.
But mothers have an enormous influence on the children they raise, especially in homes where they spend more time with the children.
And this is where we need to be honest with ourselves.
In many African homes, especially within traditional settings, we have historically trained the girl child differently from the boy child.
The girl is taught:
“Learn how to cook.”
“Clean the house.”
“Know how to take care of a man.”
“You are a girl; you will become someone’s wife.”
But what are we teaching the boy?
Sometimes, almost nothing.
A girl is sent on errands while her brother sits down because:
“He’s a boy.”
She is expected to clean, cook, serve, and help around the house while her brother is excused from basic responsibilities.
But let’s ask ourselves:
Won’t that boy become someone’s husband one day?
Won’t he become someone’s father?
Who will teach him how to cook?
Who will teach him how to clean?
Who will teach him that domestic responsibilities are not exclusively women’s responsibilities?
Who will teach him to respect women?
Who will teach him emotional intelligence?
Who will teach him that being a man doesn’t mean being entitled to a woman’s service?
Who will teach him that his wife is not his maid?
And then we raise a girl to become a responsible wife and send her into marriage with a man who was never taught how to be a responsible husband.
How do we expect that marriage to work?
We cannot keep raising daughters to become “good wives” while neglecting to raise sons to become good husbands.
A boy should know how to cook.
He should know how to clean.
He should know how to wash his own clothes.
He should know how to care for children.
He should know how to respect women.
He should know how to communicate.
He should know how to apologize.
He should understand responsibility.
He should understand that providing financially does not exempt him from being emotionally present or participating in family life.
And most importantly, he should understand that being male does not make him more important than his sister.
Mothers, please don’t raise your sons to expect from their future wives what you never taught them to do for themselves.
And fathers, please don’t leave the entire responsibility of raising emotionally healthy children to mothers.
Raise the boy and the girl.
Teach both responsibility.
Teach both respect.
Teach both kindness.
Teach both independence.
Teach both accountability.
Teach both how to contribute to a home.
Because that little boy you’re excusing today may become someone’s husband tomorrow.
And that little girl you’re training to serve everyone may become the woman who enters a marriage believing she must carry everything alone.
We cannot keep complaining about the adults we are producing while refusing to examine how we raised them.
The solution begins at home.
If we want better men tomorrow, we must start raising better boys today.
And if we want better women tomorrow, we must raise girls who know their worth without teaching them that their value is only in how well they serve a man.
Let’s raise human beings first.
Chizzy’s Circle
Chizoba Esther Nwanne
