Sisters of Mersey

28/11/2025

YES SISTERS!

The three nuns say they were taken out of the convent against their will and placed in a care home.

14/11/2025

✝️ Sister Stella Consumption & Sister Tia Maria's Pilgrimage of the Chip ✝️ A wholly unholy review of the curry and chips of Whiston.

Bless us Father, for we have sinned…
We left the convent in search of spiritual enlightenment and accidentally found ourselves in Whiston, where the aroma of frying potatoes led us astray like two hungry sheep sniffing out the world’s greasiest shepherd.

1. Chippy the First

Upon entering Nick's Chippy, we were greeted by a fryer so hot it could have forged the Ten Commandments. We ordered curry and chips “for research purposes,” though Sister Consumption loudly whispered, “Make it a large, I’m starving and size matters.”

The chips arrived looking holier than expected — golden, glistening, and stacked like they’d been blessed by Saint McCain himself. The curry? Thick enough to mortar a church wall. One dunk and Sister Tia Maria declared, “This sauce has the viscosity of sin… but tastes like salvation!”

Halfway through the meal the steam fogged up our glasses and we began speaking in tongues — though that may have been the extra spice. The final verdict:
Miraculous. We considered canonising the fryer.

2. Chippy the Second

Rejuvenated but gluttonous, we waddled bravely to our next location, Whiston Village Chippy. If the first chippy was divine, this one felt slightly more… purgatorial. Still, we entered with hope in our hearts and vinegar in our veins.

The chips were similar, familiar, and looked like they’d been peeled by someone having a crisis of faith. The curry, though generous in portion, had a wobble. Sister Consumption poked it with a chip and whispered, “It’s delicious, Mary. The Lord is testing us.”

Taste-wise, it wasn’t bad — just the sort of curry that leaves you pondering your choices, your purpose, and whether you’ve accidentally licked the inside of a leftover gravy boat.

Final verdict:
Not a sin, but definitely a penance.

Overall Judgment

We returned to the convent full of chips, curry, and deep spiritual confusion.
Would we do it again?
Absolutely.
Will the Mother Superior be furious?
Also absolutely.

⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ (4 out of 5 halos)
One halo deducted for the existential-crisis curry.

Photos: packaging is the same. Portion size is the same. Chips are as good as each other. Curry sauce is slightly different. If you like it spicy: Nicks. Milder: Village.

15/02/2025

The Naughty Nuns Reveal - The Ship Inn, Rainhill

The sisters had a stressful morning at the convent, saying Bloody Marys and having Ow's Yer Fathers all over the place,as a result of our outrageous sinning on Valentines Night. We can't go into details but there was wood and candles involved. Our lips are sealed.

We got out of the nunnery late, and gasping for a drink. Not rum, as usual. But for a good cuppa tea. A nice Earl Grey would hit the spot. Ooh matron.

We thought about going to a nice cafe or going home for a cuppa, but why would we wheh there are pubs? Pubs are brought to us by God, dear children. We should use them, love them and pray for them! So off to the Ship we went.

The Ship is part of Ember Inns, and those of you who are very modern and love an app, downloading the app will give you access to lots of discounts and special offers.

The pub is large, like a cathedral! There is plenty of parking, but be sure to put your registration into the ipad at the bar to ensure you don't ensure the wrath of the parking charges.

We chose a seat around the corner away from pesky people, because nobody needs to see the sisters with filthy hangovers. There's a dog friendly area, which we normally choose, because dog is obviously god backwards and we loves dogs more than God himself. Wait. We didn't just say that out loud did we? Anyway there are free dog biscuits for the doggos. If the sisters are there the law states that you must allow us to chat with your dogs and cuddle with them on demand. Jesus said so.

We weren't feeling very peopley so we ordered two veggie breakfasts on the app along with two Earl Grey teas. We chatted s**t about - let's call him Father Di****ad - for a few minutes while we waited. With a tip, our order came to a little over £20. More than we ever donate to the church.

The tea arrived first, served by a gorgeous young woman with a huge smile and a perfect attitude. She's clearly never had to deal with Father Di****ad. She walked away singing along to the music they had playing. She should audition for the church choir, honestly. We need new blood.

Breakfast arrived shortly after and looked heavenly. Toast, beans, eggs, tomato, mushroom and hash brown were joined by two slices of squeaky cheese aka halloumi. The sisters said halleluja and stuffed their faces, only surfacing to make happy noises and nod at each other.

We cleansed our plates like our souls. Nothing left. We clutched our bloated tummies and pretended a miracle baby was happening, just like the "virgin Mary" bwhahaha.

It was all over far too soon. We waved goodbye to the beautiful saints who served us and went on our merry way, although leaving a pub without drinking the holy spirit is a new one for us.

Praise be, the Ship Inn! You're going to heaven, my children.

Ship Inn
804 Warrington Road, Rainhill, L35 6PE.

Parking: free. Add your registration to the ipad at the bar.
Ambiance: 10/10
Staff: 10/10
Food: 10/10
Prices: 10/10
Sister's Rating: Going to Heaven

02/12/2024

It was us.