27/06/2026
THE HEATWAVE IS OVER... 🇬🇧🌧️
And just like that, Britain has gone back to normal.
The shirtless blokes have put their tops back on.
The BBQ has been cleaned.
The paddling pool has been emptied.
The fan has been taken upstairs to the loft where it'll remain until next June, when nobody can remember where they put it.
The same people who spent all week saying,
"I can't cope with this heat" have walked outside this morning, felt a light breeze and immediately gone.
"Ooo, it's a bit chilly."
It's 23°C, Sharon.
Yesterday you were Googling "Can humans melt?"
The BBQ dads have returned to their natural habitat, Standing at the kitchen window, Looking at the clouds Quietly whispering, "We needed this rain."
No you didn't, Dave.
You spent £147 on charcoal on Monday.
The supermarkets are recovering.
People have stopped hiding in the dairy aisle
The ice lolly shelves are full again.
And someone has finally remembered the can of Coke they put in the freezer on Tuesday.
The freezer, however, will never forget.
The nation's fans have now been switched off after working harder than any of us this week
One final spin
One little wobble
Then silence.
A true British hero.
The lawns are still the colour of Ready Brek.
The hanging baskets look like they've been air-fried and every paddling pool has returned to its original purpose.
Taking up half the shed for the next 11 months.
Best of all,
Within 72 hours Facebook will be full of:
"What summer?"
"We never get any decent weather."
"Hasn't stopped raining all year."
Really?
Because six days ago you were sleeping downstairs with frozen peas on your head, arguing with a fan and applauding clouds.
Britain has the memory of a goldfish.
See you all in a few months, when it's minus two, blowing a gale and raining sideways
And someone says:
"I'd love a bit of that heat again."
No you wouldn't.
You moaned all week. 😂🇬🇧☀️🌧️
