02/06/2026
🚨 OFFICIAL STATEMENT TO THE PEOPLE OF CATTISTOCK 🚨
After my unexplained absence last Thursday, several reports came in of villagers wandering the streets asking strangers, “Have you seen the pizza van?”
Some claimed they heard the faint sound of a wood-fired oven in the distance. Others simply stared into the void while eating disappointing dinners.
I can only apologise.
To make sure Cattistock doesn’t suffer such pizza-related heartbreak again, we’ve made a strategic decision…
🍕 THE PIZZA VAN IS MOVING TO WEDNESDAYS! 🍕
With the season now in full swing and the diary getting busier than a seagull at a chip shop, I refuse to let the good people of Cattistock miss out on their weekly pizza fix.
So from now on, Wednesdays are officially Pizza Day.
🔥 Fresh wood-fired pizzas
🧀 Mountains of melted cheese
🍅 Proper sourdough bases
😎 A pizza man who promises to be considerably less missing
📍 Cattistock
⏰ Wednesday from 5:00pm
Thank you for your patience during this difficult period. Support groups for those affected by last Thursday’s pizza shortage are no longer required.
See you Wednesday!