31/07/2026
🚨 WANTED: “MARMITE MEL” — FINAL SIGHTING TODAY 🚨
After eight years operating on the Blackpool hospitality scene, notorious mastermind Marmite Mel is finally making her getaway.
☕ This minx has spent the last eight years hidden in plain sight, persuading innocent customers to part with their hard earned cash for the best coffee and cake Blackpool has to offer.
This scammer used every trick in the book to upsell cake to unsuspecting individuals:
“You can’t share cake.”
“Any day is a cake day.”
“It’s never too early for cake.”
By the time Marmite Mel had finished, refusing cake no longer seemed like a realistic option.
But not content with cake, this gal could quickly change tack with a more difficult savoury customer:
“Do you want black pudding?”
“Gourmet style—all the good stuff?”
“Any dips for your sweet potato wedges?”
Before long, another fully loaded order would arrive in the kitchen, bearing all the unmistakable hallmarks of Marmite Mel’s work.
The poor chefs didn’t stand a chance.
Frequently disappearing during busy periods to carry out highly classified “Mel Jobs”, while appearing to be sitting down doing absolutely nothing, this is also where she recruited highly trained small children through a system of high-fives, hugs and kisses—engaging unsuspecting parents who would then be tricked into enjoying themselves at HIVE.
The word is that she’s heading to Yorkshire.
Yorkshire, if you hear the cry “Hello, beautiful people!”, you’re already in trouble. Marmite Mel is in town…
BEHIND ALL THE JOKES, Mel has been far more than a member of staff. She has been a leader, a fixer, a confidante, a mother figure to many, and the person who helped keep both me and HIVE going through thick and thin.
Quite honestly, HIVE would not be here today without her.
For eight years, she has given us her loyalty, energy, honesty, exceptionally loud personality and a level of care that cannot be written into any job description. She has shaped the team, looked after our customers and left her fingerprints firmly baked into the bones of HIVE.
She will be missed enormously by staff, customers, children awaiting their high-five—and anyone hoping to share a slice of cake without being judged. (Oh, and Frenchie cos that’s Magic!!!)
This master criminal will be at HIVE today from 10am until 4pm for her final shift. Come along, see Mel and help us give her the send-off she deserves.
Yorkshire has absolutely no idea what is coming!!!
