30/09/2026
A POLITE NOTICE REGARDING CRIMINAL DAMAGE
Unfortunately, it appears we need to explain something that most functioning adults managed to grasp sometime during primary school:
DO NOT DELIBERATELY DAMAGE OTHER PEOPLE’S PROPERTY.
This notice is, regrettably, aimed at whoever damaged one of the toilet seats in the ladies’ toilets.
The club has put considerable time, effort and money into cleaning, improving and updating the toilets to make our venue better for our customers, members and those attending our events. Apparently, however, one individual decided that our efforts would be greatly improved by snapping a toilet seat.
Judging by the damage, this was clearly not normal wear and tear. If, by some extraordinary miracle, it genuinely was an accident, then we can only suggest laying off the takeaways for a while and perhaps introducing yourself to a treadmill.
If it was deliberate, congratulations. You have successfully demonstrated the maturity and intelligence of someone who finds breaking a toilet seat in a working men’s club an impressive achievement. Your certificate is presumably in the post.
Criminal damage will not be tolerated at Carlton Village Working Men’s Club.
If the person responsible would like to come forward, admit what they have done and take responsibility for the damage, we will be more than happy to address the matter with you appropriately.
Alternatively, you can remain anonymous and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that a committee of grown adults has had to issue a public notice because you apparently cannot be trusted to use a toilet without breaking it.
A truly magnificent contribution to the community.
Kind regards,
The Committee
Carlton Village Working Men’s Club
