08/08/2026
🚨 IMPORTANT CUSTOMER NOTICE 🚨
Following allegations made by Rodger, we have launched a full investigation.
TEST SUBJECT: Smirnoff Vodka
ALLEGATION: “Watered down drink”
DAILY USAGE: 18 bottles
FINANCIAL MOTIVE FOR WATERING IT DOWN: Absolutely flipping enormous, apparently 😂
EVIDENCE PROVIDED: Rodger said so
We take all allegations seriously. Especially really, really stupid ones. 😂🍸
**No vodka was harmed, diluted or emotionally affected during this investigation.