06/15/2025
BEING A FATHER
Everyone is different and sees the world in their own way. So I can always only speak for myself. I love being a father. I actually fantasized over it since high school. I wanted to love people like my parents loved me. I wanted to feel that, I wanted all the responsibility. So when I fell for Nuit and learned that she had a 2 year old son, it didn’t phase me in the slightest. I saw it as a blessing. I might’ve just found the love of my life and I also get to dive right into fatherhood. I was so ready! I’ve always felt like I have the ability to form my own relationships by making the health of the relationship the actual goal and guide to my actions. Not about winning arguments and proving people wrong. So I was confident I would make it all work. I worked so hard for both of them. I of course made Nuit my world but I also did for Phai. He was my son and no one was going to tell me otherwise. When we met, to him I was “Jeff” or “jeyp” (in the cutest Thai accent). And it stayed that way for a few years. Even after we married. Then one day, he sheepishly called me “Dad”, and as soft his voice was, the impact was like a hammer of joy to my heart, pulling on every chord in my throat and gland in my eyes.
With Marlee I got to experience all of the anticipation. I loved being there and learning step by step, book by book, on how to be the best father I could be. But nothing could prepare me for when I held her for the first time. A shaky voice came out of nowhere, straight from my gut, and it said “hi, I’m your daddy”.
In the end, these are just memories I guess. But it’s funny how a memory seems to hit you so physically. That’s why I keep these images and thoughts so close to me. It’s an instant source of happiness and pride whenever I need it. I love being a father, I am so grateful and I will never take it for granted. Happy Father’s Day to all you fathers and father figures. Enjoy your memories and family today❤️
