09/16/2026
Winsloe Pump & Munch
PRESENTS
THE GREAT D***O DERBY
a.k.a. “Pump, Munch & Buzz”
SATURDAY NIGHT – STARTS AT 8 SHARP
(or whenever Skinny Mike finishes his smoke break)
Race your own vi****or down the official Pump 2 Track (formerly the fries-grease spill zone).
RULES (subject to change if the seagulls object):
• Two AA batteries only
• No wheels, no rockets, no “help from the bathroom”
• First one to the finish line wins a free case of Alpine + bragging rights
• Losers still get a free slushie and mild disappointment
ENTRY:
Bring your own or buy one from the cooler next to the b***r pills.
Cover charge waived if you buy a race toy on site.
PRIZES:
1st – Free fill-up on Pump 2 + the championship d***o trophy
2nd – A solid handshake from Skiing Ian
3rd – A seagull will judge you
Location: Winsloe Pump & Munch
Where the gas is cheap and the vibes are questionable
Cheers,
Skiing Ian
Senior Management Team