Ballard's 915 high st thornbury

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Ballard's 915 high st thornbury All plant based food & wine bar. Casual tunes, quality drinks, delicate and homely food. For online bookings, head to
https://linktr.ee/ballards

Menus are limitingThe feed me option sets you free so that your ass can follow.If you grab this option you can even rece...
18/10/2026

Menus are limiting

The feed me option sets you free so that your ass can follow.

If you grab this option you can even receive off menu items that one else will get.

Other tables will look at enviously and with suspicion as they eat predictable garbage with predictable words like "lasagna" and "gnocchi" like someone who fears the unknown, content with mediocrity but knowing that something is missing. The food equivalent of someone that never left their hometown,

You on the other hand are the shepherd staring at the stars and thinking what if, as ideas collide and future potentialities ignite.

You are free to embrace the unknown, to eat food the kitchen is definitely not motivated to send out as it's getting past its best by date, and we really need to shift it as theres only so many times we can make fu***ng soup and there are limited to what you can turn into ice cream.

Be better than the rest.

Be free.

Be just feed me

Excerpts from some of our online reviews“You have to go! The place is grungy as f**k but the food is so good”“excellent ...
15/10/2026

Excerpts from some of our online reviews

“You have to go! The place is grungy as f**k but the food is so good”

“excellent plant based fare combining elegant flavour combinations and creative and inventive dishes in what essentially looks and feels like a local dive bar”

“I straight up thought I was going to die in this feral hell scape or at least get tetnus but the service was attentive and the food exceptional”

You know what, as I gaze around the bespoke hand selected and carefully arranged decor that I’d describe as distressed bohemian I’m starting to suspect that some of you have never in fact been inside an actual dive bar.

Can you smell the toilet from anywhere in the building?

Is everything sticky?

Would you insist on only ever drinking something that was opened directly in front of you as the tap lines are never cleaned, the spirits are watered down or topped up with ethanol and that w**e bottle was filled from a cask?

Does someone with a bum flap or infected facial piercing demand cigarette filters or papers off of you every 5 minutes?

Is Evan Dando playing a guitar? Did someone unironically describe themselves as "fitzroyalty" before king hitting someone.

If the answer to any of those questions is no then you are not in fact in a dive bar so please respect the distinction.

At a later date as part of our next degustation we will be offering the authentic dive bar add on package where you can safely experience the true extent of debasement from safe inside a glass bottomed vehicle as we take you inside the splash zone.

“now keep those hands inside the vehicle at all times as some of the locals are looking a little agitated and someone’s been reading them Engels so we might be witnessing the start of a social uprising that to be frank, will be aimed at people that think paying $30 for a bowl of gnocchi is a bargain so let’s roll those windows up and see if we can see someone butt rolling a ciggy! No refunds and you did all sign that safety waiver right?”

Ballard’s - not a dive bar. But thank you for the lovely words it is much appreciated and I am engaging in whimsy

I'm a delight. A wuthering delight
15/10/2026

I'm a delight. A wuthering delight

Like shingles or herpes, our gnocchi occasionally makes an appearance generally at the worst and most inconvenient time...
14/10/2026

Like shingles or herpes, our gnocchi occasionally makes an appearance generally at the worst and most inconvenient time.

Pumpkin cream, sage, pumpkin seed brown butter, last of the season brussel sprouts and a little bit of sausage for flare. Limited numbers. Limited time. Its a special for a reason so don't be surprised if its not available in a weeks time. Thats on you bud.

Xmas function season is the perfect time to accidentally offend so many people by having reasonable requests
14/10/2026

Xmas function season is the perfect time to accidentally offend so many people by having reasonable requests

Look I'll leave the cool places to wallow in the glamour of privilege and celebrity. Pop stars and movie kings. Kardashi...
13/10/2026

Look I'll leave the cool places to wallow in the glamour of privilege and celebrity. Pop stars and movie kings. Kardashians and diamond rings. Hats a hoy hoy.

I know what gets me excited. And that's running a long con to cement myself as one of the best plant based locations in Australia so that one day, after years of preparation, as I Donnie Brasco myself deep within the weird world of the inner north progressive, the truth of my right wing heart hidden from the softness of the soy bois so that I can finally one day stand over the unsuspecting table of one Gregory Stephen Chappell and mutter - this one's for Brian McKechnie before we fade to black and Journeys "don't stop believin'" rings out.

The trap is set, will the author of Greg Chappell's Health and Fitness: A Repair Manual for Men, noted PETA partner and blatant cricket cheat former Aussie test "great" take the bait of this stuffed leek cannelloni with green olive pepperonata?

Only time will tell.

Frankly it's just an honour to be not included.
12/10/2026

Frankly it's just an honour to be not included.

Two sections, both alike in dignity,In fair Thornbury, where we lay our scene,From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,Wh...
10/10/2026

Two sections, both alike in dignity,
In fair Thornbury, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

Blood on the floor and passion in the streets, another roast night is upon us. Blame will be allocated. Much "can you believe this guy" vibes will be shed.

We were fully booked out but some of the weaker, slower pack have been picked off by apex predators and tummy troubles like a caribou bogged down in dense snow as the pack circles.

So now it is your chance, the wise and mercenary, seeing weakness you strike unseen from your hunter's blind where you have spent many moons patiently waiting. The last minute booking is yours. You are hidden death and they were wrong to doubt your power. That'll show Brian in HR who dared, DARED to ask you to be less competitive in the staff paintball outing.

Would a man who owns a fullt tactical ghillie suit, show mercy? I think not. The booking is yours... you deserve it

Built from the same material used to construct China's Joint Operations Command Centre located 2,000 meters underground,...
10/10/2026

Built from the same material used to construct China's Joint Operations Command Centre located 2,000 meters underground, we can guarantee that these incredibly light herbs can survive a direct strike from a GBU-57 Massive Ordnance Penetrator bunker buster, remain portable at all times and are a sturdy, rugged part of your kitchen setup.

On the other hand, this 20kg box of potatoes predates corrugated cardboard and is also wet so don't even try lifting it.

I am looking at the staff roster. They are all so far away. And their light takes so long to reach us. All we see of the...
09/10/2026

I am looking at the staff roster. They are all so far away. And their light takes so long to reach us. All we see of the staff are their old photographs. Smiles and lies.

I hand write a roster each week. It is an attempt to control chaos. I am in thornbury, in 2019. In 6 years time, I will make a roster for people wanting meredith weekend off before walking away. It’s already been written, 6 years into the future. Three years now. The pen is in my hand. I bought it in March 2020 not knowing what was coming in the next month. It’s still there, three years into the past, attached to a white board, in a darkened kitchen. I’m still there, looking at it. I pause as I add names to the roster before crossing them out as they get sick or leave. Two years now. It’s October, 2004. I dress like I’m in Duran Duran. It’s February 2010. I watch the horrors my first night in Melbourne. One year now and then it is today.

I’m tired of looking at the staff roster for meredith weekend with no names on it. I pick up the paper. It falls to the floor at my feet. I am going to look at blogs of other people's food. They are so far away. And their food takes so long to reach us… All we ever see of food blogs are their photographs. I'm tired of cooking food for these people. People with no taste. I'm tired of being caught by their requests to “collaborate on a popups”. I think I will go visit the stars.

The best thing about working in the same kitchen for years and years is that you have very very specific ideas about whe...
09/10/2026

The best thing about working in the same kitchen for years and years is that you have very very specific ideas about where things are stored. Peelers are put back in the small plastic container that's on top of the pass. I know it doesn't make sense but that's....where....they....go.

Man seeks a good time, but he is not a hedonist. He seeks love! He just doesn't know where to look. He looks into the em...
08/10/2026

Man seeks a good time, but he is not a hedonist. He seeks love! He just doesn't know where to look. He looks into the empty dregs of pint glasses and in the hot stem of a crack pipe. He should look to nature! Plant based food and gentle desserts only available in limited numbers have all the answers he will need.

Hmmmmm
08/10/2026

Hmmmmm

I didnt even cry when i dumped by own father in that ditch, but this... this hurts.
07/10/2026

I didnt even cry when i dumped by own father in that ditch, but this... this hurts.

Nothing makes me happier than repurposing waste and destruction, seeing an opportunity and turning it into profit and in...
06/10/2026

Nothing makes me happier than repurposing waste and destruction, seeing an opportunity and turning it into profit and ingenuity.

I am the Halliburton of plant based cooking.

And my no bid logistics contract is taking offcuts of brioche trim, combing it with some vanilla custard & frangipane and baking it, setting it over night to become sliceable slabs of rich decadent happy. It's fried and served with an almond custard, stewed corella pear and a pecan caramel ice cream.

Theres also some toasted brioche and almond praline over the top for crunch because what goes with brioche that's right more brioche. Wonderful

Oh no, I would love to go to what is once again being billed as the final ever Ballard’s Sunday Roast by the Johnny Farn...
06/10/2026

Oh no, I would love to go to what is once again being billed as the final ever Ballard’s Sunday Roast by the Johnny Farn' of plant based dining, but I don’t have anyone to eat with?

Needing companionship at every turn of your existence? Meh. That’s for the straights and normies.

When the end comes, you don’t want to be arranging a cleaning roster in the shattered carcass of a burnt out city, desperately clinging to the remnants of society because if you lose that, you’ll have nothing left to remind you of your humanity.

Because nothing says freedom like having a day planning group chat slowly surrender to the needs of the minority as the world burns around you.

Nope. Not you.

You’ll be living in the sewers as a feral outsider. One with the night. Powerfully alone. Forging a new destiny.

Your needs are your guide.

Hungry? You feast.

Thirsty? You drink.

No waiting around for Kevin to finally decide that actually they only wanted something light and maybe low on the gluten, while the FOH person starts dreaming of plunging a spork into someone’s neck after being flagged down for the fifth time only to hear, “Actually, maybe just give us a few more minutes?”

But not you.

You are the new apex of evolution.

You want a Sunday roast right now?

Then by divine right, take it.

Book a table for one and watch as the illusion of committee thinking is revealed for what it always was: the empty veneer of forced compromise.

You deserve it.

You are decisive.

You are powerful.

You are Ballard’s.

Golden brown brioche toast that is (also drugs)Im oddly finding a lot of joy in baking at the moment, I never really tho...
05/10/2026

Golden brown brioche toast that is (also drugs)

Im oddly finding a lot of joy in baking at the moment, I never really thought I would. Quiet satisfaction in nice little things like a delicate folded & layered brioche that we are serving with tomatoes and feta.

Words i haven't used in year's. Letter folded. Autolyse. Breaks up the monotony of being held hostage by wet mushrooms. Become a baker with powerful forearms and sculpted glutes. Magic. Open up days. Brunch. Let me check in with my day trading cafe friends. Hmmm.... maybe not

Address

915 High Street Thornbury
Melbourne, VIC
3071

Opening Hours

Wednesday 6pm - 10pm
Thursday 6pm - 10pm
Friday 6pm - 10pm
Saturday 6pm - 10pm
Sunday 6pm - 10pm

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