A fan's notes

A fan's notes Liquor, food, coffee, record store, outdoor space, trees, music

Ballards 915 high st thornbury. Xmas degustation. (Not a fans notes) Everyone that’s ever met me knows that I crave the ...
07/12/2020

Ballards 915 high st thornbury. Xmas degustation. (Not a fans notes) Everyone that’s ever met me knows that I crave the stern authoritarian discipline of a nascent dictator, think mark e smith or a less sexy Mussolini.

That’s why I always apply several bewilderingly complex rules to all service type situations both to showcase my impotent attempts at control and frustrate the consumer.

I’m allergic to corriander can I please have it left off my $3 taco? No substitutions I scream, choke on the devils soapy mistress and shed me some tears you so called member of the tolerant left.

And so on and so forth...

So that’s why with this proposal there are some conditions to make it feasible and worth everyone’s time and effort.

This is just a preliminary testing of the waters. If I manage to drum up enough interest well definitly go ahead with it but it is subject to hitting certain levels of commitment.

FAQ can it be done takeaway?

That would require more plastic than currently exists on earth with complex instructions about adding 1gm of deydrated spinach to 2 grams mystery soil at exactly 5pm, so not really? But if nobody wants this we could always just do a banquet style thing?

Dietaries?

I can accomodate any and all with forewarning and am happy to do so.

Will you deliver?

Hahahahhaha

When will you know if it’s definitly happening?

By the 15th? Maybe?

Call now to discuss all your demands and threats.

Hahaha. Professionalism. Where do we lose them I thought to myself as I turned my phone off once again and told random b...
01/12/2020

Hahaha. Professionalism. Where do we lose them I thought to myself as I turned my phone off once again and told random bookings to go f**k themselves as between 6-8pm is Tammy time...

It’s time. The novelty of opening has worn off and I for one feel the need... the need for speed... the need to harden m...
11/11/2020

It’s time. The novelty of opening has worn off and I for one feel the need... the need for speed... the need to harden myself in the true furnace of service and resurrect the fever dream of a fans notes famous $3 taco night.

Now that fans is no longer trading its time to forcibly combine the twin ideas of a fans notes and Ballard’s into this one off event - a ballards notes. Recreate the dank and dinge of Carlton north in a thronbury beer garden that doesn’t even feature a low hanging bird feeder as I’ve matured and no longer delight in watching customers brain themselves on my iron mistress.

$3 tacos. All plant based. Probably 10 different ones to choose from. Bookings essential. It’s in thornbury, at ballards 915 high st. Really can’t emphasis that enough. But I made a reservation and I’m in Carlton north and there are no tacos. That’s right. Say it with me... thornbury... you made a booking for thornbury...

Choose tacos. Choose Tuesday. Choose life.

Call now.

As my brain has now retreated to a screen saver mode where Australian cricket defeats just play on an endless loop I don...
04/08/2020

As my brain has now retreated to a screen saver mode where Australian cricket defeats just play on an endless loop I don’t have much to add to this, this long dark tea time of the soul where all existence is a struggle and the sense of pointlessness wraps me like a day dream or a fever. Self improvement is ma********on I mutter as I stare at the sole remaining untapped keg of beer with growing panic. Yep.

For the weekend. It’s food.

Look it’s not available at fans but you couldn’t go there anyway as selfish youth have ruined everything. I’m looking di...
30/07/2020

Look it’s not available at fans but you couldn’t go there anyway as selfish youth have ruined everything. I’m looking directly at you right now. That’s why you should apologise to me by coming up to ballards in thornbury and ordering a tex mex banquet for 2-4 people for only $50.

I’ll mumble something about being more angry than disappointed but you know that it’s a facade and that deep down I can’t stay angry at the kids... where else would I buy my pingers and floor baggies from? Then we all start dancing to beats that sound like dated fruity loops.

Call 0406095604 to order food for collection this Saturday night.

Well personally I feel I look quite rakish in mask, like a dyspeptic zorro or a depressed raccoon. One didn’t spend the...
23/07/2020

Well personally I feel I look quite rakish in mask, like a dyspeptic zorro or a depressed raccoon. One didn’t spend their 90’s youth not prepping for this day. As someone who still uses cyber as an adjective, I m ready to be encased in pvc, antique ww2 gas mask at the ready as I bring out the twin guns of neon dreadlocks and nitzer ebb. I’m ready to dance...I’m ready to party... but first I’ll need to stockpile so affordable banquet food.

Call now for this weekends feast. Last week we had twice as many people try and book on the day as had preordered by Friday. That was fun. One organised person even tried to preorder 3 hours after the kitchen had shut last Saturday. I’m calling to preorder tonight’s $50 Texmex feast that’s only available today. But it’s 9pm? Yes can I preorder it for collection in 20 minutes? Then we share a laugh.

Book now. There’s optional liquor attached.

A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards.A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards. A fans notes is perme...
21/07/2020

A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards.
A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards.
A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards.
A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards.
A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards
A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards.

have you heard? Fans notes is closed but the same surly service and tasty treats are available in thornbury?!?

I reek of cumin, paprika and a palpable lack of vitamin d due to the fact I haven’t seen the sun in what feels like year...
17/07/2020

I reek of cumin, paprika and a palpable lack of vitamin d due to the fact I haven’t seen the sun in what feels like years. But my rickets are your opportunity so take advantage of my bow legged stance and gorge at my family feed trough this Saturday night. So much food... ever so tasty.

Available for collection from ballards 915 high st thornbury

Don’t let the high production values of our promotional activity fool you, no expense has been spared to get your trembl...
21/05/2020

Don’t let the high production values of our promotional activity fool you, no expense has been spared to get your trembling eyeballs on this picture and zap that information straight into the quivering wet mass of lizard brain that keeps you upright throughout the day and able to communicate you needs to me directly.

Need food, then mating, then death you stammer. Well I can assist with one of those my instinctual compromised friend. Just dial 0406095604 to place an order or you can even dm the business.

Must find host for genetic material!

I often find the provision of a $50 feast designed for 2-4 people assists markedly in that pursuit, as our tagline for Ballard’s has always been - you can’t spell ballards without balls.

Lasagne warm, lasagne friend?

Whatever happens in the privacy of your own home where questionable decisions no doubt fueled by excessive consumption of our top notch $50 portable negroni jar is you’re own affair bud.

Then just the sound of gentle mewling and squelching.

So book now as I gently stare at those social media figures and wonder how I managed to lose another wad of followers...

Because i always forget to take photos of all this magnificence my only recourse is to slide into others profiles and st...
19/05/2020

Because i always forget to take photos of all this magnificence my only recourse is to slide into others profiles and steal their stories, personal details and photos. It’s like I’m always on the outside, looking in through the window of others lives, envious of the shared moments and easy laughs on offer, knowing that my only chance to be included is to fake some backstory and claim to be aUkrainian orphan Benjamin buttoning it and hoping that someone adopts me.

That new foster child sure does drink and swear a lot for a 12 year old... but they do love fortnight so we should just be thankful they’re not calling anyone a hard n word on call of duty and count our blessings. You are right though... it does seem strange that a young Eastern European child would speak with a broad kiwi mumble and have really strong opinions about bbq dub but who are we to judge? If only all those records hadn’t have been destroyed in the suspicious grease fire...

So book now for all this fun this Saturday...

$50 three containers of food.
$50 for bonus negeoni
$20 for bonus aperol spritz

Call now.

Address

787 Nicholson Street
Carlton North, VIC
3054

Opening Hours

Tuesday 4pm - 10pm
Wednesday 4pm - 10pm
Thursday 4pm - 10pm
Friday 4pm - 10pm
Saturday 3pm - 10pm
Sunday 3pm - 9pm

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