08/23/2026
This is gonna be a long one, so strap in. 😆🤣😂
Every time we post one of our infamous review responses, we inevitably p**s a select few people off.
Some people think our prices are high. Some people think they're perfectly reasonable. Some people think we're hilarious. Some think we're buttholes.
We can't make everyone happy — and we know that.
So, let's address a few things. 👇
First: OUR PRICES. 💰
We never set out to be cheap.
As Tom Tucker pointed out ---> you can get a bologna sandwich for $7.
We know. We understand.
When we started this business, our goal was never to be the cheapest place in existence.
Our goal was to be GOOD.
We wanted to be a place known for hard work, good vibes, community involvement, and most importantly — QUALITY FOOD.
Unfortunately, quality costs money. 😕
Our Espresso Martini is one of the best around. Why?
Because we infuse our own vanilla vodka and use fresh espresso.
Our red sauce? ---> Made in-house. Every. Single. Day. We literally grow the basil outside. 😂
Potato salad? Coleslaw? Mashed potatoes? ---> We make them.
Dressings? ---> Made in-house.
Meatballs? ---> Hand-rolled by yours truly.
And then there's the Reuben.
Is it expensive?
100%.
Have you SEEN the price of a corned beef brisket?! 😭
It's actually gotten so ridiculously expensive that we've considered pulling the Reuben off the menu entirely.
But y'all love it.
So what do we do?
We keep buying the stupidly expensive brisket. 😂
And then we roast one every. single. day. It takes 4+ hours from beginning to end.
Could we buy cheaper ingredients? Absolutely.
Could we open bags, dump things into containers, buy premade sauces and dressings, and shave some money off the menu?
Probably.
But that's not what we set out to do.
Okay. NEXT TOPIC. 😂
THE REVIEW RESPONSES. ⭐️
We know they're a risk.
We know not everyone likes them.
And we're okay with that.
We decided a long time ago that this was one of the places where The Grumpy Mustache could really shine.
We didn't want to live in fear of the almighty Google review, so instead, we turned responding to them into part of our personality.
The Grumpy Mustache is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER — with a very real human behind the logo.Those of you who know... know who the real Grumpy Mustache is. 😉🥸
The responses are marketing.
They're entertainment.
They're us leaning all the way into a business called THE GRUMPY MUSTACHE.
We've been responding to reviews this way for YEARS.
Nobody walks into Dick's Last Resort and gets offended because the staff is rude.
Because... well...
That would be silly. 😂
Which brings me to the last topic...
AI. 🤖
Yep.
We use it.
We won't fib.
We NEVER use AI-generated images to represent our food. If you see a picture of a sandwich we made, that's the actual sandwich.
But do we occasionally use AI to put The Grumpy Mustache into ridiculous situations?
Absolutely. 😂
Do we occasionally use AI for writing?
Yep.
But the overwhelming majority of what you read on this page starts with the personality behind the Mustache.
And again...
If you know, you know. 😉
If you know her personally, you can probably read these posts in her voice.
Ope.
I may have just given away a secret. 😂
Being built out of AuDHD has apparently blessed me with an endless supply of sarcasm, rambling thoughts, questionable ideas, and the ability to write what some consider to be entertaining sometimes.
But sometimes I need an editor.
Because having this particular personality also comes with a minor occupational hazard:
Occasionally offending people. 😆🤣😂
So...
Did AI help organize and format this rambling mess?
100% yes.
Did AI put this ridiculous handle bar mustache on me?
Absolutely not. 👀 😆
Did AI write the thoughts, opinions, jokes, stories, recipes, sarcasm, or personality behind it?
100% no.
That's us.
AI just occasionally takes the 47 tabs open in my brain and puts them into paragraphs. 😂
At the end of the day, we're never going to be the cheapest restaurant.
We're never going to have a personality everyone loves.
And we're definitely never going to become the business that responds to every review with:
"Thank you for your valuable feedback. We appreciate your patronage." 🤖
That's just not just not us.
We're going to keep making our food.
We're going to keep roasting the stupidly expensive corned beef.
We're going to keep making our sauces and dressings.
We're going to keep supporting our community.
We're going to keep having fun.
We're going to keep saving puppies.
And occasionally...
We're gonna be Grumpy. 😎
You know what the best thing about Sundays? WERE CLOSED. 😆 🤣 😂
P.S. Our restaurant is still dingy, and our rueben is still crunchy.
