10/01/2021
As you all know Carl, founder of Carl's Deep-Fried Squirrels died over 2 years ago however, some strange events have happened over at the corporate-owned cemetery where Carl was laid to rest. The maintenance crew was testing the newly developed fertilizer “Growidall” manufactured by the well-known Chemical-X corporation who, (if test results are favorable) plan to release it for widespread use in food production. The results of the testing far exceeded their expectations however, there was an unexpected side effect that would soon appear after the release of “Growidall” for agricultural use.
While dispersing Growidall the maintenance crew were getting stoned & blasting Iron Butterfly’s hit song “Ina-Gadda-Da-Vida” in case you do not know lead singer Doug Ingle was drunk, high, or both and slurred the words “In the Garden of Eden”. This song is believed to have been encoded with vibrations by bass guitarist & physicist Phillip Taylor Kramer and, is believed to influence the growth of plants and was hoped to be used in the production of Ma*****na when legalized. It was also later determined that the Chemical-X corporation was working on a Covid vaccine named “Curidall” that was accidentally spilled into a potted plant causing accelerated overnight growth of this plant. The plans for Curidall’s use as a vaccine for Covid were discontinued due to its horrible side effect that had caused the A**s in several test subjects to swell shut causing their bowels to explode & had now become the new miracle fertilizer Growidall.
The combination of Growidall & the vibrations of Ina-Godda-Da-Vida had a profound effect on Carl and a few other residents of the cemetery causing the regeneration of their DNA & producing exact copies of Carl & the others, complete with most of their memories. This type of event has also occurred before in a small town in Australia and was documented by the Netflix documentary “Glitch”. In this case, I will only talk of Carl’s story, the others can tell their own stories. A couple hours after the funeral, Carl’s wife & I decided that we should now move in together & live off Carl’s life insurance money & the proceeds from the upcoming sale of Carl’s Deep-Fried Squirrels. Things were going pretty well until the night Carl showed up butt naked on the front porch banging like hell on the door, evidently, Carl had forgotten he had died even though he had to dig out of his own grave, yup I know, we should have cremated him.
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