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Critical Baker Thoughtful Bakes Every Day

20/04/2026

Forget the heatwave. This is the new equation of coolness.

27/03/2026

"๐—ง๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜„... ๐——๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜†..."

Blueberry intermittently sticks her head out the specimen window, waiting on Dr White Chocolate for his daily rounds at the lab.
Dr. White chocolate walks in from the west hall.

๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: Ooh, my fate arrives... like clockwork.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: How are the samples?
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: Orange rind glistens like a diamond and walnut, always a crunch. But you, Dr. White, are creamy dreamy in your lab coat.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: The samples?
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: Oh, the samples. They wait, as always, under the fluorescent sun, dreaming of your caress.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: Poetic. But which one first? Orange rind or walnut?
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: Together, Dr. White. Bumps and zest pops make life, you know, more interesting.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: ( clears his throat) Daring combination. Shall we start with a gentle stir... or a bold swirl?
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: Bold, always bold. The timid never rises to the top, Dr. White.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: (adjusts his sleeves) Protocol, Ms. Blueberry. Too much, and it ruins the output.
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: (smirks) Output...or you mean your composure, Dr. White. Sometimes, I can't tell. My vision is too rosy...
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: (examines Blueberry's eyes) Have those checked. There's a bit of inflammation.
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: (flutters her eyelashes slowly, still smirking) Inflammation...hmm? Sounds serious, or maybe just a reaction to you.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: ( takes a step back and tugs his collar) Samples, Ms. Blueberry. Not on me.
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: (faint giggle) Charming.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: (straightening, eyes back on the tray, voice clipped, somewhat annoyed but calm) Focus, Ms. Blueberry. Charm doesn't mix with measurements.
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: Perhaps... But it does make time move faster.
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: Time in the lab is for samples, not poetry. Now, Orange rind. Grams have to be precise. Not over, not under.
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: (leans lightly against the window frame, speaks softly) Precise grams... Yet some things cannot be measured...can they?
๐——๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ: (adjusting his collar) Carry on, Ms. Blueberry.

Blueberry smilingly gazes as Dr. White Chocolate dissappears back to the west hall. The lab's fluorescent light hums, and the faint aroma of walnut and orange rind kisses the air.
๐˜ฝ๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™—๐™š๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ: (deep sigh) Tomorrow... Destiny...

Bite Me Back - Vol. 1 INFATUATION

Brian Culbertson - On My Mind
1997 Secrets

You sit in an empty room, facing a glass panel, as the capsaicin begins its slow ascent---first, a tickle, then a whispe...
27/03/2026

You sit in an empty room, facing a glass panel, as the capsaicin begins its slow ascent---first, a tickle, then a whisper.

Without warning, it turns---back and forth, efficientย  and merciless---like a blur of controlled fury you can't quite track. (Damn you, Pete!)

Beads of sweat spurt from your innocent forehead---mushrooms erupting after a storm, sudden, eager, unrelenting.

And yet the chocolate---deep, dark, gliding smoothly, carrying a gentle sweetness that almost convinces you this was a good idea.

The warmth is welcoming...until it isn't.

You glance through the glass.ย  Brad.

For a moment you wonder:

Is the sweet punishment something to be shared...or survived alone?

Bite Me Back Vol. 3 - VEXED

Zoom meeting ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ:ย  That was...๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ:ย  (to Raspberry) Incredibly lame.ย  You're breaking out in hives.๐—ฅ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜†: ( fanning sel...
27/03/2026

Zoom meeting

๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ:ย  That was...
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ:ย  (to Raspberry) Incredibly lame.ย  You're breaking out in hives.
๐—ฅ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜†: ( fanning self theatrically) Hives? Hives?ย  These aren't hives.ย  This is a full blown rebellion.
๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ:ย  I can't believe they dropped us like...
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ:ย  Limp, wet blankets.
๐—ฅ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜†:ย  (vigorously acratching) All those years, defending him in public, the stupid gyrations...
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ: (to Raspberry) It was heat of the moment.ย ย  Too many things happening at the same time...
๐—ฅ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜†:(still scratching) No, I am not the punchline!ย  I am the epic! I am silk gloves! I am above all this! (scratching non-stop)
First order of business: cortisone shot.ย  Second...Facebook live.ย  Third... will be explosive.ย  Wait and see.
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ:ย  Yes!ย  Continue the drama!ย 
๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ:ย  (fidgeting) But... I still have three more years of Botox shots.
๐—ฅ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜†:ย  Botox.ย ย  Grooves have no place here. (Index finger pointing at mouth in circular motion)
๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ: (mutters) I think I'm the punchline here...
๐—ฅ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜†: 33, you're drenching on my act.

(Raspberry's screen fritzes mid-gesture, then blacks out.ย  Silence.)
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ:ย  (staring) ... She's out.
๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ:ย  The Botox lives for another day.
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ:ย  And so endsย  the greatest act in political pandering.

(A tiny frozen frame of Raspberry pops briefly, face frozen, mouth wide open, then disappears again.)ย  33 sighs in relief, 55 smirks.
๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ: (whispering) Should we bring Adoboย  and lumpia for next time?
๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฏ: (breaks out in wild laughter)

Bite Me Back Vol. 2 - JILTED

23/02/2026

I see black. The rest is silence.

Volume 3.

Bite Me Back.



AC/DC - Hells Bells
1980 Back in Black

13/02/2026

#0214

09/02/2026

based bakes are available in limited quantity.

Keeping it small. Keeping it fresh. ๐Ÿƒ
Arigato gozaimasu.



Old Zildjian gong

05/02/2026

Phat Pat demanded Funk, but the celebrator demanded Phat Pat - and honey, he delivered.

Bow down, taste buds...because he's Phat. ๐Ÿ˜Ž Always. ๐Ÿ‘‘



Funky Family - Play That Funky Music
2011 Northern Soul Groove Collection

05/02/2026

Be a brownie connoisseur.
Sip between bites.



Icehouse - Crazy
1987 Man of Colours

03/02/2026

๐ŸŽฉGood manners aren't genetic. Practice beats pretending.



Missing Persons- Words
1982 Spring Session M

30/01/2026

Crumb era. Permanently. ๐Ÿคฏ



The Greg Kihn Band - The Breakup Song
1981 RocKihnRoll

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